Could you spell that, please?

Sometimes I wonder if some people, when they make certain life choices, realize that those decisions scream “life of crime ahead”? For instance, when you legally change your name to Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop.

beezowA man whose legal name is Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop was arrested over the weekend after officials say he assaulted a state college police officer and a deputy in Washington.

[…]

Thurston County Sheriff’s Office records later showed that Zopittybop-bop-bop was arrested and charged with one count each of first-degree assault, third-degree assault, third-degree malicious mischief and malicious harassment.

FOX 23 News reports that Prosecutor Mark Thompson was unable to verify Zopittybop-bop-bop’s legal name, so he deferred to his original name, Jeffrey Drew Wilschke.

Apparently Wilschke legally changed his name to Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop in 2011.

This arrest reportedly isn’t his first since the name change.

According to FOX 23, Zopittybop-bop-bop was arrested on weapons and drug charges in 2012 and in 2013.

His parents must be so proud.

At least she didn’t over react

I am pretty sure there’s a cave painting somewhere in France that depicts Mr. Caveman getting kicked out from beneath the Saber Tooth Tiger rug after he had a few large Mastodon burgers. Mrs. Caveman’s reaction was mild compared to this woman.

Donald Fitzroy Meikle told police his wife, Dawn, elbowed him on the arm when he passed gas in bed. This happened early in the morning on Dec. 11. Meikle said she eventually kicked him out of bed because his flatulence wouldn’t stop.

The victim said his wife let him back into bed. He passed gas again, according to the report, and she started to kick and elbow him again. Meikle said he held his wife for his own safety. During the struggle, she suffered a split lip and he suffered several scratches across his chest.

I don’t know what Don had for dinner, but things didn’t stop there. His bride called 911. And that’s not all.

Police said she also sprayed pepper spray to keep her husband out of the bathroom.

I betting that up until then Donny boy was laughing and thinking it was pretty funny.

There’s no way they are ever going to get the smell of mega-farts and capsaicin out of that house. I’m guessing they’re going to have to nuke it to glass.

How NOT to blend in

I’m not a criminal mastermind, but I’m thinking that somewhere in the miscreant manual (they do have a manual, don’t they?) is a section on how to blend in. This MENSA candidate must have skipped that chapter.

Paul-Wayne-Terry-Tulsa-County-Inmate-Information-Center-640x480TULSA, Okla. (AP) — An Oklahoma suspect accused of robbing another man at knifepoint has been arrested after the victim described his attacker’s distinctive facial tattoos, including a pair of horns and an anti-police obscenity.

Tulsa police officer Leland Ashley says 27-year-old Paul Wayne Terry was arrested Saturday on a complaint of robbery with a dangerous weapon. He’s being held on $100,000 bail.

My favorite part of this story is officer Leland’s Sahara dry wit when he is quoted as saying, “He wasn’t hard to identify.” No, I’m guessing he wasn’t.

Beamer gets a Beamer

And you thought things like this only happen in the movies.

This Friday, Dec. 11, 2015 photo provided by the San Jose Fire Department shows a beam that fell off of a flatbed truck that impaled the window of a BMW car on I-280 in San Jose, Calif. The driver of the BMW, Don Lee, suffered only a small scratch to his right arm. (Courtesy San Jose Fire Department via AP) MANDATORY CREDIT
This Friday, Dec. 11, 2015 photo provided by the San Jose Fire Department shows a beam that fell off of a flatbed truck that impaled the window of a BMW car on I-280 in San Jose, Calif. The driver of the BMW, Don Lee, suffered only a small scratch to his right arm. (Courtesy San Jose Fire Department via AP) MANDATORY CREDIT

Northern California authorities say a driver is lucky to be alive after a large metal beam pierced the windshield of his SUV while on a San Jose freeway.

San Jose Fire Department Capt. Christopher Salcido says the beam fell off of a flatbed truck, crashing through the windshield and lodging itself into the driver’s seat of the BMW.

The driver, 66-year-old Don Lee of San Jose, California, suffered a small scratch to his right arm.

My quick thoughts: Don needs to go buy some lottery tickets; Bet he wishes he was driving a Hummer.

This Fine’s For You

bud-weisserMeet Bud. Bud Weisser. Yep, Bud Weisser and yep that is a mug shot. You see Bud was caught trespassing.

Bud A. Weisser, 19, received summonses from police Thursday accusing him of first-degree trespassing and resisting arrest after he allegedly entered the Anheuser-Busch brewery property at 9th and Arsenal Streets, where the “King of Beers” is produced.

I understand he will be represented in court by Sam Adams of prestegious law firm Guinness, Heineken, and Beck.

Hope they weren’t snappers

It’s clear now that I am not a rich guy because I can’t come up with money making ideas like this genius.

ANN ARBOR, Mich. (AP) — A Canadian man caught at a border crossing with 51 turtles taped to his body pleaded guilty Tuesday to smuggling or attempting to smuggle more than 1,000 of the reptiles out of southeastern Michigan.

The man’s name is Kai Xu, which I believe can be translated as Mr. “terrapin junk.”

Xu “regularly deals in turtle shipments worth $30,000, $80,000 or $125,000,” Assistant U.S. Attorney Sara Woodward said in a court filing. “In China, the turtles he smuggles are worth two to three times the amount he pays here.”

This entrepreneur “was stopped by Canadian border authorities who found 51 live turtles in plastic taped to his legs.”

In an unconfirmed quote from his girlfriend she said, “It so cute when the little head pop out.”

Time to Tailgate?

I’m not a detective, but my guess is that someone is planning the tailgate party of the century.

According to troopers, a trucker loaded $110,000 worth of meat into a trailer during a scheduled pickup and drove off. He was supposed to deliver it by Monday to a company in Milwaukee, Wisconsin — but never showed up.

A spokesman for Nicholas Meat says the customer notified him Tuesday about the missing product, which would have been enough to make 160,000 burgers.

HamburgersMy advice to the authorities – be on the lookout for the theft of buns, condiments, red solo cups and beer. Lots of beer.